In days to come, the mountain of the LORD’s house shall be established as the highest mountain and raised above the hills. All nations shall stream toward it; many peoples shall come and say: “Come, let us climb the LORD’s mountain, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may instruct us in his ways, and we may walk in his paths.”
— Is 2:2–3 (from Reading 1 of the First Sunday of Advent)
I’m one of those rare millennials without a tattoo.
Okay, maybe not. A quick Google search tells me that 41-47% of my generation is tatted. I’m in the majority. Still, tattoos ride on the bodies of something like 32% of Gen X and only 13% of Baby Boomers. So, there’s a huge uptick in ink on my generation’s skin.
I suppose I don’t have a tattoo because once a guy with sleeves walked in front of our stopped car, and my dad looked me in the eyes and said, “I’ll beat your ass if you get a tattoo.” At the time, I didn’t want to find out if he was serious or not. I also distinctly remember sitting in college class at the local university (there was some arrangement between my high school and the college that allowed upperclassmen to take a few courses each semester) when the topic of tattoos surfaced. My teacher wasn’t a fan of them. Fox, a huge kid and probably a football player, expressed his agreement with the professor by noting that “a girl will get a dolphin tattoo and then as they she gets older it will become a whale.” This, too, caused me to stop and think about the way skin, aging, and tattoos must relate to one another and this gave me pause.
So, I don’t have a tattoo, but many do. People have arguments for and against and I’m rather agnostic on the topic. I’ve read exactly zero studies as to why people my age get tattoos. I’m sure the reasons are legion, but I have to believe the reason that lies underneath all the others has something to do with the permanence of a tattoo. If this wasn’t a significant factor, I don’t know why you’d go through with getting one.
A tattoo endures and persists amid the sands of time. It may be impacted by wrinkles or weight gain, but it’s still there. It’s consistent. One’s preferences or relationships that motivated this or that particular image or word or phrase, those might change. But that tattoo remains. It sticks with you as a reminder that you are still you and your past is part of your present, too.
I wonder if, for many people, a tattoo is something like a sacramental — a kind of fleshly indelible mark — that reminds them of something stable in the midst of an unstable world and the inevitable deterioration of the human body. The tattoo points to something lasting while most things fall away. But, in the end, a tattoo is only skin deep and the flesh that serves as its backdrop, that flesh, too, will decay. Our finitude takes out the tattoo in the end, no matter how meaningful it is in manifesting an infinite desire right now.
Tattooing points to a desire for something lasting, something stable and permanent, and something that will change me, stick with me, and remind me. There’s even a desire, I suppose, for the process to be hard, that I would have to endure some sort of pin-prick trial in order to have “it,” whatever “it” is.
While it’s no longer taboo or countercultural for people in my generation to be “gettin’ ink done,” it is countercultural to become Catholic. Yet people my age (and younger) are becoming Catholic. Sure, it’s a minority movement. But why are we seeing an increasing number of young people turn towards Catholicism? In sum, I think it’s for a similar reason that people get tattoos, but a deeper one.
In my role in Church work, I am privileged to handle initial conversations with those who want to become Catholic. When asked about why they want to become Catholic, I’d say the overwhelming desire people express is a desire for consistency. They desire stability in the midst of the instability of our society. People seem tired of the inconsistencies they find in Protestantism, or they’re concerned about the nihilism of the culture, or they tried moral relativism and it didn’t work out very well. When you can just move the line all the time you realize you stand for everything and nothing all at once. They’ve voiced a frustration with our “self-made world” and they find it empty. They encounter it in Protestantism and in the culture at large. They see people and groups of people swing hard from one pole to the other. They, too, have been “tossed by waves and swept along by every wind of teaching arising from human trickery” (Eph 4:14). And they are looking for a rock, a safe refuge, and a secure base. They’re finding it in the consistency of the Church.
This is an amazing development. That which probably comes under the harshest cultural criticism — that the Church is slow to change, not up-with-the-times, antiquated, or whatever — is precisely her “selling point” as society loses its collective mind. In the Church, people find stability, consistency of teaching, and a challenge of being initiated into something way bigger than themselves. They find a sense of the sacred, ritual, and the possibility of self-transcendence. Most importantly, they come into contact with the person of Jesus Christ — in and through the Sacraments, the proclamation of the word of God, the priesthood, the people, etc. As one young lady who wants to become Catholic put it, “I’ve been to other churches. But, I believe the Catholic Church is the Church Jesus founded and it’s the way I can really come into contact with him.” Not a convenient caricature, figment of the idealist’s imagination, or the fancy of the leader or elders, but the real Jesus.
Let’s get back to the tattoo analogy. When people are initiated into the Catholic Church, in both Baptism and Confirmation, or when men receive Holy Orders, they are sealed by God with an indelible (i.e., unable to be destroyed or blotted out) mark on their souls. The Catechism elaborates:
The seal is a symbol close to that of anointing. “The Father has set his seal” on Christ and also seals us in him. Because this seal indicates the indelible effect of the anointing with the Holy Spirit in the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, and Holy Orders, the image of the seal (sphragis) has been used in some theological traditions to express the indelible “character” imprinted by these three unrepeatable sacraments. (CCC 698)
The Sacraments do what tattoos never can. Tattoos, in the end, are finite and temporal works of art that manifest the infinite and eternal longings of the human heart for something permanent and lasting amid the changing and decaying world. The Sacraments of the Church are finite and temporal events that make an infinite and eternal mark — they fashion the soul into a work of art. Baptism and Confirmation “tattoo” the soul and initiate the person into communion with Christ, the only relationship capable of withstanding and even destroying the power of the grave — and the chaos of our culture.
Much of the little we know about the life of St. Benedict comes from The Dialogues of St. Gregory the Great. St. Benedict’s story begins with his departure from a decadent and decaying Rome and his pursuit of the Lord in the solitude of Subiaco. Pope Benedict XVI describes this time in St. Benedict’s life as follows:
The period in Subiaco, a time of solitude with God, was a time of maturation for Benedict. It was here that he bore and overcame the three fundamental temptations of every human being: the temptation of self-affirmation and the desire to put oneself at the centre, the temptation of sensuality and, lastly, the temptation of anger and revenge. In fact, Benedict was convinced that only after overcoming these temptations would he be able to say a useful word to others about their own situations of neediness. Thus, having tranquilized his soul, he could be in full control of the drive of his ego and thus create peace around him.1
I’ve been on my own Benedictine journey in recent years. It’s been an obscure one (both interiorly and “professionally”), and one that is progressing toward becoming an oblate of the Monastery of the Holy Cross in Chicago, Illinois.2 As I consider the life of St. Benedict and ways it might inspire my own life, I must consider areas of decadent and dissonant noise and the resultant interior discord. Substack has become one of these areas in my life.
To be honest, I spend little time on the Substack interface. But, it doesn’t take much blather served up algorithmically to feed one’s thoughts for a long time. As Substack looks more and more like any other faddish social media platform, I find the rants of writers annoying, even if they are supposedly more sophisticated just because they’re on Substack. All of it sticks to my brain like coal dust, fueling a kind of riled-up interior life.
I don’t intend to monetize my writing and I don’t write to gain subscribers or to get likes or clicks or email opens. In fact, I despise clickbait so much that I intentionally craft uninteresting titles for my posts. In many ways, I write for myself, as a way of thinking through things and gaining wisdom. I also write because it seems to be a response to some sort of call I’ve sensed since I was about 18. I make my writing available not because I think it’s earth-shattering or even because I think I have something to say that the world needs to hear — there’s too much noise as it is — but simply with the prayer that my writing will convey the truth beautifully and reach the person it needs to reach, if it needs to reach anyone at all. This is the case for all of my writing, whether it’s in a book, on a blog, or in the church bulletin.
I don’t need Substack and all its noise. So, I’m moving my writing to a simple WordPress blog. This will eliminate some noise for me, and maybe for my readers, too. I know enough about WordPress to be dangerous, but probably not enough to have a perfectly smooth transition. I’m assuming you, my subscribers will want to stay with me, so I’ll bring you over to the new platform. You are always welcome to unsubscribe if my work is just becoming more clutter in your inbox or in your mind. Rather than send an email every time I post (which feels transactional and sometimes overwhelming), I plan to send just one email a month. It will be a digest of sorts. It will also allow me to address my subscribers more personally and provide more context for the posts. And, it will cut down on noise — at least it will be less email in your inbox. Of course, anyone can check the website (bradbursa.com) at any time.
I will transition to WordPress over the next week, after ironing out a few technical details.
Moving forward, I am discerning two book-length projects. One of these will likely look deeply into manner in which cracks in Catholic theology contributed to today’s secular culture, a project that will require excavating about a thousand years of history. I’ll probably take Vatican II as my entry point. Enigmatic enough for you? The second project will explore the evangelistic power of apparent failure — a fitting topic for a melancholic evangelist. So, my posts may reflect the topics I’ll be exploring. This said, more often than not, my posts will reflect the monastic journey I’m on — living the spirit (and some practices) of monasticism in the world, processing that experience in writing, and sharing what I’m learning with whomever finds it helpful.
It’s been a good couple of years on Substack, but it’s time to flee the cluttered interface and retreat to the solitude of a digital Subiaco. It’s time to renounce the self-affirmation perpetuated by social media platforms, the sensationalism revealed with each scroll, and the wrathful notes and posts that wreak havoc on my interior peace and make me angry and discouraged. Maybe after renouncing such online temptations, I’ll be more capable of saying something useful and cultivating peace through the written word.
Recently, my wife and I were invested as oblate novices, thus initiating an intensive year of formation and discernment. I will likely write further about the meaning of oblation and our discernment in future posts, but only if I feel it will be helpful to me and my readers. ↩︎
I have been asked to present about “sustainable” youth ministry to youth ministers in my archdiocese. I will present the following (or something like it).
What is the goal of parish youth ministry?
To make disciples (of every teen in the parish).
It’s not “having pizza with teens,” “trying to make faith fun,” “giving kids something to do so they stay out of trouble,” and so forth. Instead, it’s a (small) share in Jesus’ Great Commission that has to do with preaching the Gospel (see Mk 16:15), witnessing (see Acts 1:6), so as to make disciples (see Mt 28:19–20).
As the nascent Church grew and established itself, its current geographical structure emerged. Even in Acts, we see the beginning of dioceses (i.e., districts or regions) formed and placed under the care of a bishop who has jurisdiction and responsibility for teaching the faith, governing the Church, and celebrating the Sacraments in a his diocese.
Within a diocese, the bishop shares with priests his authority to teach, govern, and celebrate the Sacraments. He entrusts parishes, smaller geographic regions or territories within the diocese, to priests who are named pastors. The pastor must shepherd the flock within that territory.
Indeed, according to Canon Law, a parish “is to be territorial” (Can 515 §1); it is “a certain community of the Christian faithful stably constituted in a particular church, whose pastoral care is entrusted to a pastor” (Can 518). A parish is a geographical area, a region within which the pastor “is obliged to make provision so that the word of God is proclaimed in its entirety to those living in the parish . . . He is to make every effort, even with the collaboration of the Christian faithful, so that the message of the Gospel comes also to those who have ceased the practice of their religion or do not profess the truth faith” (Can 528 §1). It is incumbent on the pastor, with the collaboration of the lay faithful, that the Gospel be proclaimed within the parish.
Now, the lay youth minister has neither been given a share in the pastor’s governance of a parish, nor any ability to celebrate the Sacraments. But, he or she has been given a share in a pastor’s responsibility to make disciples by proclaiming the word of God in its entirety to those youths who are already Catholic, and through those teens, to help reach the other young people who are not Catholic yet who live in the geographical region that is the parish.
Said differently: In collaboration with the pastor, the youth minister is responsible for making teenage disciples of all the Catholic and non-Catholic youth within a parish. So, the goal is not to run events ad nauseam. It’s not to run a “successful” LifeTeen program or YDisciple effort (valuable as these might be). Goal is not 500 kids at a youth night, or 200 at a retreat, or 25 at a Bible Study. Events and programs are not the end, but some of the means of making disciples, because discipleship is the end.
Well, I suppose this raises another question: who is a disciple? What do we mean by discipleship? The General Directory for Catechesis offers this:
Faith is a personal encounter with Jesus Christ, making of oneself a disciple of him. This demands a permanent commitment to think like him, to judge like him and to live as he lived. In this way the believer unites himself to the community of disciples and appropriates the faith of the Church. (GDC §53)
To make a disciple, therefore, means helping someone encounter Jesus and intentionally and resolutely follow him — learning to think like him, judge like him, and live like him. And, not only that, but helping to get these teenage disciples connected to a community that’s on mission — people living out their baptismal call to share the Gospel.
Make disciples of every teen in the parish boundaries: No small task.
So, sustained youth ministry is really sustained youth discipleship. How do you build a sustainable approach to youth discipleship? How do you sustain youth discipleship over the long haul?
“Sustainable” Youth Discipleship
“Sustainable” means “capable of being continued or maintained at a certain level.” The Latin origins of the word literally have to do with “holding up.” Those words, “hold up,” resonate with my own experience of youth ministry (and ministry in general), which is sometimes a lonely, frustrating, and discouraging, like when teens don’t show up, parents are non-responsive, the pastor is disengaged, and volunteers flake. So often I’ve felt like I’m the only one holding the thing together, like I’m holding onto the rope — or, rather, like I am the rope — between the halves of a ship that’s split and plunging into the raging sea. So often I’ve made my way to communion at Mass making this prayer: “Jesus, I feel like I’m being crushed. Help me.” Holding up the weight of ministry is no small task, and persevering in such no small feat.
So, how can you sustain or hold up a youth discipleship effort? I could provide many thoughts here. But, for the sake of time, I will limit myself to what I’m going to call seven “keys” for sustainable youth discipleship.
1. You can’t sustain much of anything. Only God can. (Humility)
First thing to note is that you can’t sustain this effort. Only God can. This is God’s Church and God’s ministry. Not a single one of us is the Savior. Thanks be to God. The best thing we can do is participate in God’s movement. So, real humility and radical openness to the Holy Spirit (coupled with sound discernment) is essential.
Sustainable ministry depends on God making the first move. This means we have to give God the first word, allow him the first move. Or else we are just building on sand. And this is the real irony of Christian ministry: we sustain/hold up ministry by depending (the word depend literally means “to hang from,” “to be suspended by”) on God. The more we depend on God, the more sustainable our ministry becomes. So, we give God the first word when we don’t just pray at the beginning of meetings as a mere formality, but we dig into lectio divina expecting God to speak and expecting his word to impact our course. We surrender “our” plans to God and allow him to upset them. We stop the ridiculous practice of making 5-year-plans and instead focus on taking the next step the Lord has illuminated on the path and trusting that after we take that step, the next one will become clear. In this way we depend on him to be the lamp unto our feet (cf. Ps 119:105).
2. Live from the inside out. (Order)
Growing in humility and interiority is the perpetual first step in a sustained effort, which leads nicely into the second “key” — living from the inside out.
St. Bernard of Clairvaux provided a lesson on the apostolate in the 12th century that’s just as relevant today. He explains:
“If you are wise, you will be reservoirs and not channels”. . . The channels let the water flow away, and do not retain a drop. But the reservoir is first filled, and then, without emptying itself, pours out its overflow, which is ever renewed, over the fields which it waters. How many there are devoted to works, who are never anything but channels, and retain nothing for themselves, but remain dry while trying to pass on life-giving grace to souls! “We have many channels in the Church today, but very few reservoirs.”
Jim Beckman modernized this image with his inside-out schema.
The gist is simple. Most of us try to live our lives from the outside in. We devote tons of time to “everything else” — work, activities, hobbies, entertainment, travel, politics, and things we have no control over or ability to influence — thinking that we’re going to have something left for primary vocation and God. In reality, the whole thing implodes and collapses on itself. The wife gets the meager leftovers; the kids get the scraps. God gets next to nothing, or nothing at all. When this happens, we dry up, burn out, and quit.
Life from the inside out is just the opposite. It means I root myself profoundly in my baptismal identity as an adopted son (or daughter) of God through a deep(ening) interior life of personal and liturgical prayer. The fruits of this interior life spill into my primary vocation before the fruits of that spill out into my ministry. I am convinced that this is the only healthy way to approach ministry and, therefore, the only way to sustain a discipleship effort.
3. Build on a firm foundation. (Christocentric)
Begin and end with Christ. Always. Don’t begin and/or end with your own pet project. Don’t create some sort of ideal youth ministry program and idolize that ideal. Let Christ be your vision. Let him be your aim. Begin and end with Christ.
Hans Urs von Balthasar takes up this point in Razing the Bastions, when he comments on the perpetual danger of not going back to Christ, even while staying in the Catholic intellectual tradition: “To honor the tradition does not excuse one from the obligation of beginning everything from the beginning each time, not with Augustine or Thomas or Newman, but with Christ.” Begin from the beginning each time. Don’t “move on” from the Gospel. Don’t pursue some aim you made up in your mind. Simply pursue Christ and invite others to join you. Begin and end with Christ.
Making time in front of the Blessed Sacrament a foundational element of youth discipleship efforts is a concrete way to build on a firm, Christocentric foundation.
4. Adopt a marathon mindset. (Perseverance)
Set expectations from the get-go: ministry is less of a sprint and more of a marathon, though there will be times when you are sprinting. It’s a long-haul sort of thing and one makes progress gradually through perseverance and fidelity. Really, when you think about it, this is what a marathon is. It’s one big “yes, I’m going to run the whole race” and then perseverance through a series of repeated “yeses.” With each mile (or each step, for that matter), I must ask: will I go the next mile? Yes. A marathon is 26.2 “yeses.”
I was really hesitant in ministry until I said, consciously and in full-freedom said “yes.” I didn’t seek out ministry, I kind of landed in it. And I felt stuck. A few years in, I realized I needed to say “yes” to ministry, which meant saying “yes” to the whole race — the marathon. “Yes, I’m in and I’m going to run this whole race. I’m going to do this until you tell me to stop.” Each year, my wife and I review the previous year, look ahead at the next one, count the cost, and renew our “yes” to the Lord.
Sustainable youth discipleship means embracing the “I’m in it for the long-haul approach.” It means embracing the law of gradualness that says things change slowly and over time. It means moving in a consistent direction comes about through the stability of the person shepherding effort. If your parish has a new youth minister every 12-18 months, it’s going to be darn difficult to see any progress. It’s like repeatedly quitting a marathon after the first mile and then deciding to start over.
5. Embrace the cultural long view. (Patience)
This key sounds a lot like the previous one, but it is different. The previous one has more to do with the person of the youth minister. This key has to do with ministry strategy.
We are all engaging in ministry in an interesting ecclesial and cultural moment. The Church’s ability to impact culture has been in a state of decline for quite a while, even if this has only become really visible in the last 50-70 years. So, we’re dealing with a post-Christian culture that seriously impacts everyone to whom we are trying to minister (including ourselves). Reversing that trend, impacting culture, takes time. We need to take a long view when it comes to culture change.
I started thinking about this and changing my approach to ministry when I learned that, statistically, a child’s faith trajectory is set by age 13. I mean, that’s when my Jr. High ministry started. So, if we were going to do good youth discipleship, this meant impacting the water way upstream. When I was a little boy, we ran on probably a half-mile stretch of Rock Creek in my hometown. It was a sizable creek, probably 20 feet across and it always had plenty of water flowing. Once, we dammed the thing with rocks we dug out of the creek bed and hauled. It was probably a 3 foot dam with a 2 foot drop of water. That sounds insignificant, but it dramatically impacted the creek both upstream and downstream. Actually, it impacted it so much the local authorities came in and destroyed our hard work. Still, it was a helpful lesson for me that adjustments, however seemingly insignificant, can have significant effects in the long run. Applying this to ministry, I now think of youth discipleship beginning with the marriage preparation of the child’s parents — well before the child exists and long before the child is a teenager. This flows into how we handle Baptism prep, early childhood formation, family formation, etc. You get the point. We need to widen the scope of our thinking about youth discipleship and think of it more as a continuum than a blip of teenage time.
6. Invest in relationships. (Friendship Evangelization)
In the 17+ years I’ve been doing this work, I continue to find that relationship is the key ingredient to sustained discipleship efforts. Good, sustainable youth ministry is relational ministry. Relationship is the engine that drives discipleship; relationship is the glue that holds it together.
We know Jesus adopted relational paradigm for discipleship. It was one that consisted of relating to large groups (crowds) of disciples, a critical small group of disciples (The Twelve Apostles), and lots of intimate interaction and individual mentorship (most notably with Peter, James, and John). Taking Jesus’ relational model as an example, I think we can apply it similarly for the purposes of youth discipleship, which probably has (or should have) large group elements, small group discipleship, and individual mentoring.
The biggest gains in ministry came when I flipped how I spent my time. I was spending way too much time at my desk and a really small amount of time actually with teens. This seemed messed up to me, though, as a non-sanguine introvert, it was comfortable. Still, I needed to push myself out of my comfort zone and create relational opportunities for myself. So, I went from probably an 80/20 split between desk work and time with people, to 50/50. Now, it’s probably more like 40/60.
Last point, here. Core Teams are often overlooked. When I started in ministry, the Core Team of volunteers I inherited was more like a bunch of warm-bodied chaperones. They helped us create a safe environment and have the right proportion of adults to teens, but they weren’t involved in discipleship. In order to get them involved, I had to invest heavily in them and in their own journey of discipleship. This investment worked out over time and they started discipling teens. But that was not all. As my Core Team members grew in relationship with God, they also grew in relationship with each other. Suddenly, real friendships emerged and the Core Team literally became the community at the core of the ministry. This was the Christian community into which we were inviting the teens. At this point I realized that the whole of good ministry is shot through, not with gimmicks or programs or music or games or even content, but Christ-centered relationship. It really is that which sustains discipleship ministry.
7. Pray and sacrifice. (Offering)
In all of our discipleship efforts, we hope the interior life catches fire and ignites baptismal mission. I have seen this over and over. When someone falls in love with Christ, that person can’t help but share him (in words and in deeds) with others. That relationship changes as person and that change becomes perceptible over time — in other words, that change is communicated. Consequently, I watched teens bring (more and more) teens to an encounter with Christ at our events, small group sessions, Bible studies, and the like. Still, there were many who stopped coming and fell away. There were plenty who rejected the invitation. And there were far, far more we were not reaching and didn’t have a great way to reach. What about them?
Well, for them, we join our prayer and sacrifice with that of Christ. We put our supplication and suffering on the altar at Mass and ask Jesus to transform it “for many.” Jesus is the one who stands for the many and by joining with him in prayer and penance, we too, can sustain discipleship efforts and offer our lives and our efforts as a gift for those (teens) who have not yet encountered Christ and made a permanent commitment to think like him, to judge like him and to live as he lived.
Conclusion
Though not exhaustive, this list of keys provides a decent starting point for thinking through an answer to the question: how do you build sustainable youth ministry? Each point deserves much deeper elaboration than this article can contain. Maybe it’s fodder for future writing. I guess I’ll see how the youth ministers respond to the presentation first.
My high school literature teacher was obsessed with Tennyson, and for good reason. I remember explicating “Crossing the Bar,” and thinking about death, though it was too distant from my 14-year-old brain to get far. Years later, death became real to me as I held my grandfather’s hand while he breathed his last breath in June 2008. That was my first experience of loss, and the first of the deaths of four grandparents that have left me a grand-orphan.
I grew up in a small town, surrounded by blue collar, small town people. Four of these people were my grandparents. Both of my parents worked, so three days of the school week, one set of my grandparents would pick me and my siblings up from school and watch us till my dad got home. I spent countless hours at their houses, sometimes visiting and sometimes helping with projects. Mostly, though, I spent that time eating and drinking pop. The way I see it, I didn’t just have one set of parents. I had three.
All of my grandparents were born prior to the stock market crash in 1929. So they lived through the Great Depression and World War II. They were a resilient bunch, hardened by the hard stuff of life, and softened by it, too.
In this month of November, as the Catholic Church remembers and prays for her dead, I want to reflect briefly on each of my grandparents and their impact on my life.
Ralph Kimmet (July 3, 1926 – June 18, 2008)
I’m fairly certain Grandpa Kimmet spent nearly his entire life within about a four square mile plot of flat land in northwest Ohio. He went to school in one of the one-room schoolhouses that still dots the countryside in the area. Drafted into the Navy after high school, he was heading out into the Pacific when WWII ended. So he came back home and started a family. He did sheet metal work and ran the homestead farm. Around age 40, he came in from splitting wood and couldn’t stand. He spent the next few days crawling around the house in agonizing pain. Crippling rheumatoid arthritis set in with a devastating impact. The condition racked his frame. He became a mangled middle age man with six kids. With grandpa in and out of work, my grandmother had to pick up odd jobs to feed everyone. In my entitled brathood as a kid, my mom would trump our pickiness by explaining how her mom would split a fun sized candy bar into six pieces, one for each kid, as a special treat on feast days and holidays.
My grandpa was a master hoarder. If something could prove useful in the future, it was kept. Small items were organized in old Velveeta cheese cartons and bigger items in dusty beer cases. If my grandpa couldn’t use his hands to get something done, he made a tool that could. He made one out of wood for buttoning his shirt when he couldn’t work his fingers to do the job. Getting around was hard for my grandpa, but he did it any way. One time, I remember him coming to one of my grade school plays and he tripped while coming in. Surrounded by gawkers, I remember him crying. His head was split open, but he wasn’t crying about that. He was crying because of his illness and the burden it caused. He was crying because of a shame nobody else could understand. He was crying because he was lonely. As a kid, seeing your crippled and bloodied grandfather weeping because of his condition, that hits you with feelings you don’t understand at the time — and maybe never will.
I spent lots of time with my grandpa. Most of it was spent at his kitchen table. There he sat most days — apart from when he was at Mass or doctor appointments — looking at the birds at the feeder and the crops in the fields. He visited with people. Rather, they came to him. He was a wise, sage-type, so people sought him out. Always smiling and listening, and always encouraging. He was also holy, one of the most joyful people I’ve ever known, probably honed through his long suffering. He was available for others and for me, so, like many others who “stopped by to see Ralph,” I came to him just to talk. I’d walk in, say “hi,” grab a pop from the fridge and some Pringles from the cupboard and shoot the bull for an hour or so. This is my greatest memory of my grandpa. Sitting at his table, just because he was there for me. Always there.
As I finished my time as an undergrad, it was clear that grandpa was dying. Decades of medicine had shredded his stomach and his once-beaten cancer had returned. As if his skeleton hadn’t suffered enough, the bone cancer was finishing the job. He spent his remaining weeks suffering in almost complete silence and in extreme pain. Family members kept vigil for the last couple of months. This gave my grandma a break and allow us the sacred privilege of sitting at his bedside, listening to his labored breath, realizing our complete helplessness, and pondering the mysteries of life and death. I was blessed to spend several nights at his side, nights I will never forget. He died on June 18, 2008, after receiving Last Rites, and surrounded by all of his children and grandchildren. It happened shortly after his wife said, “You can go, Ralph. I will be okay. We will be okay, Ralph.” It was an act of tender love and complete surrender. I had a front row seat as she uttered these words and he seemed to hear them. As I mentioned above, I was holding his hand when he breathed his last.
Dominic Bursa (June 16, 1925 – April 21, 2014)
Born of Czechoslovakian immigrant parents, Grandpa Bursa grew up in Tiffin, Ohio, my hometown. In Tiffin, his family was one of exactly two Czechoslovakian families. So, they lived near all the Italians, the other minority group in the small — predominantly German and Irish — town. Grandpa was drafted into the Army shortly after graduating from high school and fought with the 82nd Airborne in WWII. During the War, he parachuted into Holland and fought in the Battle of the Bulge. When they came home on The Queen Mary, the 82nd Airborne paraded ten miles down Fifth Avenue in New York City in celebration of being the most decorated outfit of the United States Army.
I never heard much about the war. He kept that bottled up pretty good. All I knew about it was that “we won,” and “they had to dig shrapnel out of my ass.” I suspect he wrestled his entire life with having witnessed the worst of our broken humanity and trying to fit those busted pieces back together again. He might have survived the war, but I think something inside of him died during the process. He worked for General Electric and spent much of his time in bowling leagues and sitting at the bar at the American Legion, where he was known as “the cat.” I realize now that my dad and his four siblings’ life must have looked a lot like the 1960s life depicted in The Wonder Years. Dad was distant — locked inside himself somewhere.
My grandpa came to most all of my sports games, I think. In my mind, he was always in the stands, whether or not that was actually true. I liked that. And he always had something good to say, even if he just witnessed a miserable affair.
As I got old enough to mow, my dad brought me in tow to learn how to take care of their yard. This I did for many years through junior high and high school. Each week, I’d ride my bike across town, down their long driveway, and around the backside of the house. Without fail, I’d be greeted by my grandma’s butt sticking straight up in the air as she fought with an aggressive patch of mint that wanted to surround their entire house. After passing her, I’d roll up by the garage where grandpa was always sitting in an old lawn chair waiting for me. There he’d sit the whole time I mowed the lawn so we could enjoy a cold Cherry Coke once I finished. I spent a lot of hours in that garage talking to him about sports and stuff.
After I finished school and moved away from home, my grandpa had surgery in a Toledo, Ohio hospital and never recovered. Stuck in the hospital, the husband of 67 years, the father of five children, this man was losing hope. Embittered and tired, and probably scared, he knew the end was near. His life, filled with so much silent suffering, likely stemming from his experience in the war as an 18-year-old, was ending in still more suffering.
On April 20, 2014, Easter Sunday, my parents visited him in the hospital. My mom recounts the story:
When we went to leave, he asked “So, who will be here with me in the morning?” I told him that the nurses are always there, and that Jill [his daughter, my aunt] and Grandma would probably be there like they always did in the late morning or early afternoon. He repeated again, “No, but who will be here with me in the morning?” I repeated all of what I’d just said back to him, and he looked at me so intently and said, “I’ll call out each one of your names and nobody will be here with me.” I assured him that the nurses are always there with and for him, and he just said again, “Nobody will be here with me.”
He died the next morning, April 21. None of us were there with him.
Josephine Kimmet (April 24, 1929 – February 10, 2018)
Josie grew up on a farm. She was one of twelve kids. One of the boys ran away from home by night and became a Benedictine monk at St. Meinrad Archabbey against his father’s wishes. All of her sisters look the exact same and they talk the exact same, too. Consequently, I could never tell the difference between them.
Grandma was the hard-working farm-woman type. An anxious Martha figure if ever there was one. From the moment you’d arrive at your house, she wouldn’t stop flying around the kitchen and putting more and more home-cooked food in front of you. She could fix most anything, from country-fried steak to a hole in the crotch of your pants. She canned most anything and cleaned everything about 20 times a day. She worried. And when she wasn’t worrying, she worried about that, too. She spent the last 40 years of her life, or so, caring for my grandpa and picking up after her kids and grandkids.
Grandma’s devotional life was a tour de force. I think she prayed a thousand rosaries a day. Usually EWTN was on the TV in the house or some rosary CD in the player in the car. If I recall, my mom said that after my grandma died and they were going through her stuff, they found rosaries in almost every pocket of every jacket, along with miraculous medals sown into her clothing. She was hardened by the hard stuff of life, including a mental breakdown and a time in “the asylum” as a young mom trying to raise six kids, work a job, and care for a crippling husband. But her devotion to Jesus and the Blessed Mother softened her heart.
Grandma was a simple lady who couldn’t make sense of our rapidly changing society. To her, it seemed the world was losing its mind. She was right, of course. So, in her later years, I think she didn’t try. It’s impossible to reason with insanity. She was a woman of common sense and deep wisdom.
As an 88-year-old woman, she was out shoveling snow so she could get to a parishioner’s funeral when she suffered a massive brain aneurysm. She died a few days later in a hospice facility.
When I think about my grandma, a line Ratzinger wrote after the death of his mother runs through my head: “I know of no more convincing proof for the faith than precisely the pure and unalloyed humanity that the faith allowed to mature in my parents and in so many other persons I have had the privilege to encounter.”1
Rita Bursa (May 22, 1925 – June 1, 2019)
Grandma Bursa’s family had lots of Scots-Irish, Appalachian blood. So, she was a feisty fighting type — and a pot-stirrer. Supposedly she was a table dancer for the soldiers during the war. I am still not quite certain what that means and I’m happy to remain ignorant.
As noted above, I remember my grandmother’s rump greeting me while she weeded and I remember her constantly watching soaps on TV while either gossiping on the phone or cat-napping. She was, quite frankly, hilarious. Always witty and you never could quite tell when she was being serious and when she was just messing with you. She loved Christmas and heaping on her grandchildren loads of used crap she picked up from garage sales and flea markets all year long. I’d end up with a half-broken toy car or a bag of random action figures and stuff like that. The real problem was that she was going blind, so most of the time she couldn’t tell what she was buying. She’d write things in cards like, “I have no idea what I’m writing. I can’t see.” Where I’m from, when someone dies, everyone brings a casserole to the luncheon after the funeral. For my Grandma Kimmet’s funeral, Grandma Bursa showed up with a red jello casserole (yes, this is a thing), with green beans suspended inside of it. She thought it was a can of pineapple, but she couldn’t see. So, she laughed and we ate heaping plates of red-jello-and-green-bean casserole.
My grandmother died in her sleep. At her graveside service, my cousin marched to the casket with a boombox. I didn’t know such an antique still existed — the battery-operated, CD-playing machine. Yet here it was.
Apparently my grandmother had requested that “their song” be played before she was buried. “Their song,” the song that had accompanied them for 67 years of marriage, was Johnny Mathis’ “The Twelfth of Never.” My aunt made this announcement and everyone stopped to listen to the song. Somehow, during all of this, I ended up right next to the casket. There, I read my grandfather’s tombstone (he had already been dead for five years) and I could peer down the shaft next to my grandmother’s casket and stare into the pitch blackness of her tomb.
“Until the twelfth of never, I’ll still be loving you…” Johnny’s voice sang out. It was a cry for some sort of eternal love, a never ending love. And this cry captured the longing of the hearts of my grandparents. Yet here I was staring at a tombstone and a terrible finality. I was staring at death mocking our desire.
The words from Song of Songs went through my head: “For Love is strong as Death, longing is fierce as Sheol” (8:6). Strong as death, but not stronger than death.
“Hold me close. Never let me go,” Johnny’s voice rang out.
I felt almost like I was being torn in half. Looking into my grandmother’s grave, I saw and heard the disparity between human longing and the dead end of death. I could feel it. It was anguish, in its purest form. The human heart longs for a love that is stronger than death, one that can conquer the loneliness of Sheol. Then, something snapped inside of me. In complete silence, I screamed. Confronted with the harshness of human love’s insufficiency before the power of death, let out a deep plea in the silence of my heart.
Conclusion
My grandparents were real people who made a real impact on my life. They did this by sharing their real lives with me. They were down to earth. They were faithful in their own ways. They were deeply dedicated to their families. A day doesn’t go by without thinking about at least one of them. And I pray for them, too. In Jesus’ Resurrection, I can hope for theirs (and my own). In Jesus’ Resurrection, I believe they are still alive and that they are close to me. I believe my Grandpa Kimmet is still available, listening, and smiling on me. I believe that my Grandpa Bursa was not alone when he died and that, in fact, he was never alone. Jesus was always with him and Jesus was there that frightful Easter Monday morning. I believe Grandma Kimmet is finally able to rest, though she, if and when she gets to Heaven, will probably be like St. Thérèse and busy herself by spending her Heaven doing good on earth. And I believe Jesus’ death and resurrection has had the final word in death’s apparent mockery of human love, and I hope my Grandma Bursa is now enjoying the twelfth of never with all her loved ones who went before her.
May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in Christ’s peace — Christ, our only hope. Amen.
I often reflect on Joseph Ratzinger’s teaching about sainthood. By “sainthood,” Ratzinger means something like St. Paul’s reference to the Christians of the early church. For Paul, the word did not denote only those canonized, or even canonizable Christians. The word “saint” does not refer to “a headlong leap into heroism,” or “adventurous achievements of virtue.”1 Instead, the word refers to Christ’s own sanctifying initiative and action that sanctifies the church and her members. It refers to those “saints” who “with Jesus receive a ray of his brightness” and who are “called to use their experience of the risen Lord to become a point of reference for others that could bring them into contact with Jesus’ vision of the living God.”2 The saints are witnesses; they are reference points or living windows that allow the light of Christ, the living God, to reach others. We are all called to be saints. I am called to be one. You are, too. You and I are called to radical transformation in Christ, such that when we encounter others, they encounter Christ.
The image of a stained-glass window captures all of this magnificently. Stained glass consists of thousands of fragments fitted together. Without light illuminating it, stained glass is unintelligible. When you’re in a church at night, the jet-black panels are portals of darkness. Hard. Cold.
But, in the morning, the sunlight touches each of those pieces of glass—suddenly illuminating the whole of it and fitting each piece into a mosaic of color. Suddenly the window makes sense. The stained-glass window itself is a testimony to the light that illuminates it—it refers to the light, so to speak. So it is for the saint. So it is with us. We need the light of Christ to touch the fragments of our lives and make us whole. We need the light to bring the whole thing into focus. When this happens, we become capable of being reference points to that light everywhere we go. This is what it means to live our identity (as sons and daughters of God) and to allow the source of it to shine for all to see (cf. Matt 5:16).
1 Ratzinger, Yes of Jesus Christ, 104–5. See also Benedict XVI, “The Holiness.”
I had no business playing football. My slender, ectomorphic frame couldn’t wait to offload any weight gained. I metabolized food almost as fast as I took it in. But, I did play football and looked like a coat rack with a helmet and shoulder pads. My freshman year, I earned the nickname the “hundred pounder,” because my coach rounded up on my official 95 pound weight. (I heard through the grapevine he didn’t want any double digit weights published in the football program.)
I was decent at form-tackling the dummy, but when it came to the real game and everyone was twice my size, the physics didn’t work in my favor. I became the dummy. I did innovate in the process, however. Watch the film. It never lies. And I’m sure it’s lying in a vault somewhere in my high school. There, you will see me holding onto the ball carrier with every sinew of my ripped muscles tearing, fingers clawing into flesh, while sliding further and further down, down, down the running back’s legs, dragged for seven or eight yards before he tripped over my carcass and I rose again victorious. First down? Not over my dead body.
I had no business playing football, except that I played for the fourth smallest football-playing school in the state of Ohio. So, if you were a male with a pulse, you could put on pads and likely earn a varsity letter. (I earned two.)
These days, hastily “healed” injures haunt me. They are specters in my bones and a few joints. My body reminds me I had no business playing football. But, I did play, and the game became my teacher. The game taught me about life. The game taught me virtue.
Industriousness
When I was a spindly eighth grader, in the Spring, we could start working out with the football team. I’d leave my elementary school most days and walk the half-mile to the high school munching on a Twinkie I bought at the Circle K. I remember walking into the weight room the first day. I had no idea how to lift weights. I had no idea how to work the machines. I needed help and I found it in Russell.
Russell was four years older than me. He was a junior, heading into his senior year. Probably a foot taller and 125 pounds heavier than me at the time. Maybe more. Russell was a team captain, star defensive end, and he knew what was up. To this day, I’m not exactly sure how we got acquainted, but he took me under his wing during that offseason and taught me the game from the inside.
Apart from learning how our team’s system worked, I learned virtues that make someone a good football player. Through his mentorship and modeling, I learned industriousness, for example. Russell was a diligent worker. He was steady and faithful. I got the sense from him that he could outwork anyone because he did outwork everyone. When it comes to hard work, my parents had already provided the kindling in this regard and Russell lit the match. After that offseason, I knew I could outwork anyone on the football team (except Russell). First in the weight room. Last one out. Stadium workouts all summer long in the hottest part of the day. Focus. Intense focus. Hours spent watching film, becoming a student of the game. Football brain. I would never be as big as most of the guys, nor would I have the technical skill, but I could raise the bar when it came to work.
Courage
Sometime during that same spring (of my 8th grade year), the varsity coach pulled all the wideouts up to the gym to run some routes. When we got upstairs, Nate Keller was standing there with a football in his hand. Nate was about to graduate. The previous Fall, he was the first team Division VI quarterback for the state of Ohio, and the offensive player of the year for Division VI. I spent every Fall weekend during Jr. High watching this guy put up ridiculous numbers, and now I was lining up to try to handle his fastball on a slant route.
Nate took great pride in whipping the ball at us with tremendous speed and precision. The smirk on his face made it clear that as the 8th graders stepped up he was going to try to take one of our heads off. I watched as guys barely deflected the ball away before it wedged itself in their faces, or as they let the ball get to their body only to see it bounce off and away. I think I probably closed my eyes as the ball reached my hands, but I held on. “Okay.” I thought to myself. “I can do this.” It was a huge moment in my life. Putting myself out there, stepping into the arena, and succeeding.
Football is a violent, brutal sport. It’s interesting in that you go into every game (really, every practice, in a sense), knowing you are going to get hurt. Football hurts. You can’t play a football game, really play a football game, and wake up the next morning feeling fine. You’re going to feel the game somewhere deep in your bones.
I learned what courage is from football. I learned how to feel intimidated, how to feel afraid, and to move through it and try to win the game anyway.
Resiliency
I didn’t always succeed in football. In fact, more often than not, I didn’t succeed. I had to fight through constant injuries. Something was wrong with my thumb ligaments, so I’d sprain both thumbs within about one hour of the season starting. Next came jammed and broken fingers. I think I tore something in my shoulder lifting weights heading into my senior year.1 Ah, yes, the broken ribs and struggling to breathe. I remember having goosebumps and shivering on the field once. I bet it was 105°on the turf and I was dehydrated. The field was melting to my cleats. I remember getting hit, over and over — collisions reverberating throughout my skeleton. I remember scraping my body off the ground and smelling the rough combination of sweat, dirt, and blood.
I got clipped a few times in games. Those were the most painful hits. Once, I’m pretty sure I blacked out, because this brute smashed his helmet into the back of mine and drove me into the ground. Another time, I got hit by some lineman. Knocked my ear pad out. I think my body formed an upside down V or worse. I nearly snapped in half. I actually swore the side of my head hit the side of my own knee and knocked the ear pad out. I can remember the sting of taking a face mask to the elbow. Turf burn and cuts were the worst. They wouldn’t heal. You’d use gauze and tape to stop the bleeding, just to rip it open again at the end of each practice as you’d pry the gauze out of your flesh and release a fresh stream of blood. Guys would get staff infection. You’d try to keep everything clean, but in that environment, it was just so hard.
But I kept fighting. I knew my only shot at getting on the field would come through effort and and physical and mental toughness. So, I’d battle. And keep battling. Keep going. Keep fighting. I’ve always taken pride in being scrappy and in never giving up. That’s a lesson that came from my dad and football challenged that decision every day.
Resiliency spills over, too. I saw this firsthand as a guy a year younger than me fought for his life after a failed suicide attempt. Then, surrounded by the support of his family, friends, and our team, he recovered a sense of purpose and rehabbed his way back to the football field.
Community
I often wonder why I played football. My frame is well-suited for soccer or cross country. Soccer was barely on the radar in my small town and cross country garnered little attention. The Friday night lights were where it was at. As a little boy, the atmosphere was electric. It seemed like the whole town was at the games. To be part of that was a decisive factor for me.
But more than that, I found the community that formed within the team something unmatched in my life. Feed-the-team followed by a few hands of poker. Strangely hilarious superstitions. Guys fighting each other for starting spots, and then fighting side-by-side against the next opponent. The locker room talks. The highs and lows. Learning how to win with class and how to lose without being sore. Learning how to get back up again, as individuals and together. Learning how to take commands from adults (and peers). Learning how to respond when your coach chews you out. Or how to respond to your teammate after your coach chewed him out — grateful it wasn’t you this time, and knowing he needed some pick-me-up to regain the confidence to try again. To this day, I can’t recall a single egoist on the team in all the years I played.
As a team, we were after one thing: a state championship. My high school hadn’t brought home a title in over 20 years and like every other team in the state of Ohio, we were determined to make this year our year. League was just a step in the process. So were districts and regionals. We came closest my junior year when we lost 10-6 in the regional final. We fought hard for our goal, which existed somewhere outside the confines of our weight room and practice facility. And I found myself totally captivated by being part of something way bigger than myself, and in a long tradition of boys trying to learn how to become men together, and through a game.
Tradition
Football showed me that tradition is not something you understand by reading about it, but by experiencing it, living in it, and living through it. Rarely, if ever, were the traditions of our football program explained to me. They were not told. They were shown. And while the lore of the program rippled out into the community, only the guys in the locker room really knew the tradition from the inside.
Inside the locker room, for example, I’m fairly certain we listened to the same CDs all four years I was in there. The seniors were always the disc jockeys. It’s not that we couldn’t burn some new ones, I just don’t think anyone wanted to. To us, this was what football sounded like. It was Jimi, Bob, CCR, AC/DC, Metallica, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Eminem, and Al Pacino’s Every Given Sunday speech (on game days only). To this day, all of this music conjures up memories etched deep in my subconscious — sweat-wet pads, aching muscles, and the boys.
A tradition is made up of many doctrines and disciplines, I suppose. It’s a kind of intangible thing that’s rendered tangible through ritual actions, language, and symbols. On my team, one of the most impactful disciplines was a deeply symbolic action conducted on game days in complete silence. Upon arriving at the stadium (home or away), we would enter the locker room in silence and set down our carefully packed gear. Then, we would leave in silence and walk the length of the field. It was a meditation. A chance to smell the earth and feel it, without all the fanfare, cheerleaders, and marching band — and without the opponent. You would walk in silence and try to visualize the game and calm your nerves. You would touch one goalpost and then turn around and walk the length of the field to the other. I don’t know if anyone ever made eye contact with anyone else. It was like the moment was too sacred and you wouldn’t want to disrupt it for anyone else. But we all did it together. To this day, I still go back to the memory of that silent procession when I need to retreat to my interior cell.
Humility
I suppose the greatest lesson football taught me was undoubtedly the most painful. My growth spurt came at the worst time. I think I grew about six inches over the span of a few months, all leading into to my senior year. Suddenly, I couldn’t get my body and my brain to connect. I went from being decently agile to unbelievably clumsy. It was terrible. Armed with levels of incoordination hitherto unseen, I started the season as a starting wide receiver for the first time (the class ahead of me was filled with a bunch of studs who took us to the regional finals).
It didn’t last long.
After making it to the regional finals the year before, we lost our first two games of the season. Pressure was on. In game three, we were the definite underdog but we were in the fight. I dropped a crucial pass on a deep route that was a sure touchdown and I lost my starting spot. Complete and utter humiliation. Disappointment radiated through my being. I had disappointed myself, my coaches, my teammates, my family, and my whole town.
I had fought and clawed for years for that spot and in one play, it was gone. I lost my starting spot after that game.
My seventeen-year-old brain realized at that low point that I had a decision to make. I could complain about the coaching staff and unfair treatment, I could make excuses, or I could shut up and figure out how I’m going to make the team better. I chose the latter. I ate my humble pie and got back out there on the scout team.
By this point in my illustrious career, I had more or less cemented myself in the scout team hall of fame. For those who don’t know, every week you have to prepare for the opponent. This means you essentially have to run the opponent’s offensive plays and defensive schemes against the first team. In other words, you have to learn the opponent inside and out and replicate it for the first team. It has to be decent enough to give them a good look. I was fairly smart and caught onto football strategy quickly. This made me rather helpful on the scout team. So during my sophomore and junior year, I was the first team’s tackling dummy. Now, as a senior, I assumed the role again — the first team’s rag doll.
We went 1-9 that season. The whole thing was a disappointment. But, I learned two important lessons. First, I learned that just because you work and outwork everyone, it doesn’t mean you’re necessarily going to succeed. Bad timing and bad breaks happen. It’s humiliating. How you endure the humiliation and respond accordingly matters. Second, I learned in the hardest way I could at the time, what it means to put others first, to put the team first. For me, it meant shutting up and taking licks for yet another (and final) season. It meant watching sophomores take over my starting spot while working my tail off at practice to make them better and to mentor them. I had a chance to put the team first and I took the high road, which is often not the most glamorous one and certainly the one most don’t notice.
In the end, my brief football career would be considered forgettable by most. But, its lessons for my life have been unforgettable. And though I would have likely been far more successful in other sporting ventures, I don’t regret playing football. The game offered me far more than I brought to it.
1 I desperately wanted to make it into the Century Club. This meant you could bench press 100 pounds more than your weight. I had just gotten 85 pounds over my weight and was all jacked up. We threw 15 pounds more on. I got it halfway up and my left shoulder gave out. I never did anything about it because I was afraid it would require surgery and I’d miss a portion of my senior season.
Though they are to be places of prayer, parishes are noisy things. There is a lot of chatter. It’s easy to participate in it and for this noise to sweep us away. The world is noisy enough as it is. The computers we carry in our pockets are constant reminders of that. There’s no need for the parish to contribute to the cacophony.
Often, parish staff members add to the din. I suppose it’s because we’re frustrated or dissatisfied. We grumble. This is decently hard work, after all. But that discontent breeds noise. “From the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45). We are prone to grumble. In his Rule, a rather short book, St. Benedict discourages grumbling eight times! Constant whining is destructive in the life of a community. It’s cancerous. Commenting on St. Benedict’s disdain for grumbling, Benedictine monk J. Augustine Wetta explains that “if you think about it, an outright fight is easier on a community than that ceaseless, cowardly, whining gossip that comes from a grumbler who ‘spreads strife’ and ‘separates close friends’ (Prov 16:28) . . . Grumbling makes everyone restless and angry—including the grumbler himself.”1
The discontent that fills the heart does need an outlet, so to speak. That first outlet needs to be prayer, which also includes listening. Blaise Pascal basically said the same thing once: “I have often said that the sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.”2 Parishes need agents of silence. Those who, at the core, quiet themselves (internally and externally) and in humble silence seek the God who is silent. Parish staffs need members who embrace silence and so become prophets of silence.
Silence leads to the discovery of God who, though Other, dwells within. Robert Cardinal Sarah comments on this: “At the heart of man there is an innate silence, for God abides in the innermost part of every person. God is silence, and this divine silence dwells in man.”3 Parishes need people, staff people, who are capable of silence and who discover God in it—then show that way of silence and presence to others.
Quick takes from Joseph Ratzinger/Pope Benedict XVI
Recently, a few passages from Joseph Ratzinger/Pope Benedict XVI have been floating through my head. They all have to do with the triple-theme of humility, resiliency, and courage.1
Regarding humility, he says that we need humiliations. This appears in his Last Testament, as he recounts a certain academic trial pertaining to his post-doctoral thesis. Regarding this trial — a negative report by his second examiner and a need for revision — he says:
I believe that it is dangerous for a young person simply to go from achieving goal after goal, generally being praised along the way. So it is good for a young person to experience his limit, occasionally to be dealt with critically, to suffer his way through a period of negativity, to recognize his own limits himself, not simply to win victory after victory. A human being needs to endure something in order to learn to assess himself correctly, and not least to learn to think with others. Then he will not simply judge others hastily and stay aloof, but rather accept them positively, in his labours and his weaknesses.2
I believe I may tattoo this on the foreheads of my children, given the entitled and self-absorbed world in which they live, move, and have their being. I mean, the lack of resiliency and critical thinking, the waiting for Internet mommy to come along and fix problems and provide answers, etc…
The next tidbit comes from Fr. Vincent Twomey, one of Ratzinger’s doctoral students (and one of the examiners of my own doctoral dissertation — the most challenging to be sure, given his pages and pages of commentary and proposed revisions to my work). Twomey recounts Ratzinger’s attack on his perfectionism:
Once he asked me gently about the progress of my thesis. It was about time, as I had been working on it for some seven years. I told him that I thought there was still some work to be done. He turned to me with those piercing but kindly eyes, saying with a smile: “Nur Mut zur LŸcke” (Have the courage to leave some gaps). In other words, be courageous enough to be imperfect.3
Today, we might say something like, “the best dissertation is a done dissertation,” or “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good,” or Chesterton’s “if a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.” The point is this: have the courage to put something out there (i.e., to put yourself out there), knowing your limits and knowing it’s imperfect.
And, to round this out, I return to a thought from Pope Benedict XVI that I recall almost on a daily basis. I think it balances the previous point. Putting oneself out there means opening to correction and revision. The very nature of the pencil captures this:
As a young lad I wrote in pencil and then stayed with it. The pencil has an advantage in that one can erase things. If I write with ink, it is written.4
I think about this daily because I always carry a pen in my pocket, but I wish it were a pencil. A pencil is a humbler implement. However, when I tried carrying a mechanical pencil in my pocket, the sharp tip of the thing tore a hole in my pocket and it slid down my leg and wound up in my shoe. It’s hard to play it cool when something like that happens. Humiliations. Carrying a normal #2 in my pocket just seems strange, so I keep going back to the pen. Maybe I just need to have the courage to have gaps in my papers and holes in my pockets.
1 I think the thoughts are meandering around due to the felt vulnerability that comes from publishing a book — or anything for that matter.
I am speaking at a high school youth ministry event in the near future. In this post, I’m attempting to convert my talk notes into an essay. In the talk itself, I will likely say what follows or something similar. I never really know until it’s happening.
I once heard a story about two men standing on the shore of a lake. They were at a party on the beach and the air was filled with the sounds of laughter, chatter, and music. It was night. In an instant, the lake became completely still, like a huge pane of glass. As a natural mirror, it reflected perfectly the night sky. The one man turned to the other, and in hushed voice said: “This is what it means to be Christian. We see what they see, but we see more.” The rest of partygoers just saw a lake — water in a big hole, a home for fish, a source of occasional entertainment, and a nice backdrop for the party they were having on the beach. But, in that instant, the two men saw it for what it was: a mirror for the heavens — reflecting or pointing to something beyond itself, yet of which it is a part.
In many ways, this story encapsulates the difference made by being Catholic, being Christian. Being Christian has to do with a new way of seeing all of reality — seeing what everyone else sees, but seeing more.
Let’s try to unpack this with a thought exercise.1
Pull out your phone and hold it in your hands (unless it’s already in your hands as you read this post). The iPhone, for example. Is this device the result of some unintentional act? Is it some random collection of parts that just so happen to have come together and work together? No one in their right might would consent to that. A mind, or many minds, really, designed the thing and put it together. And they did not design and assemble it for no good reason, but with a clear purpose in mind. The phone (at the most basic level) exists to connect people, to facilitate their relating to one another — to support their relationships.
Now, go pick up a leaf (they’re starting to fall off trees in Ohio). Hold it in your hands and look at it. Think for a bit. From where did this leaf come? What is it designed to do? What’s its purpose now that it’s dead and laying on the ground?
[I’ll have to see what the teens say here.]
Think about you. How did you get here tonight? What happened that got you here? Who all was involved in getting you here? Besides that, where did you come from in the first place? Were you a randomly assembled bunch of body parts on a table that just so happened to join together? Why did you even exist at all? What happened in the lives of your parents such that they even met in the first place? What are you designed to do?
[And here.]
The results of this exercise grate against how we normally see things in life as…
Just happening
Just entertainment
Just stuff
Just boring
Just meaningless
We often see thing shallowly and dimly. We can engage the world in a self-centered and entitled kind of way, as if it’s all just about us, and our tastes, and our wants. We tend to engage with the world mindlessly and recklessly.
But what did we just see through the thought exercises? What did we consider with an iPhone (or Android), a leaf, and our own lives? We saw a world full of design, meaning, intentionality, purpose. We saw things with a “why,” a reason.
Like how an iPhone is not random, but intentional and points to a designer, a mind — the universe, the earth, every part of it, from a leaf to a person, is ordered and fits together. Each part is intentional and points beyond itself to the Designer, the Mind, the Creator.
This idea of created things pointing beyond themselves to their Creator is the basis of a sacramental view of reality. With a sacramental worldview, we see all around us a meaningful world that points to the Author of meaning.
It’s interesting. That adjective “sacramental/sacrament” refers to a sacred thing which lies concealed or beyond. It’s a reference to what you don’t see with your eyeballs. In the created world, you don’t see God directly, but you see through creation to the creative mind and hand of God. There’s a Designer behind the design, there’s a Mind behind how everything fits together. Everything isn’t random and life isn’t meaningless. A sacramental worldview means you see more — you see everything everyone else sees, but you see more. Go back to the original lake image, for a moment. In that instant, the lake wasn’t just water in a big hole or the backdrop of a beach party, but that which reflected the heavens. So too, our world isn’t just a meaningless collection of stuff for our use and exploitation, but the manifestation of God’s handiwork. The created order shows us something of who God is through every aspect of his creation — from the tiniest grain of sand to the soaring heights of Mt. Everest, from the atom to Adam.
In fact, that biblical description of human beings that lies at the core of the Christian understanding of the human person, namely that we are the “image and likeness” of God, is wrapped entirely in this notion of a sacramental vision. “Image and likeness” means we are that part of God’s creation capable of most perfectly reflecting him, of re-presenting him. By saying the human’s very being points to God, means the person has a sacramental (lowercase s) character. This is part of the reason why Pope St. Leo the Great cried out, “Christian Remember your dignity!” The person is not merely another part of creation like all the other parts, but its crown jewel — that part of creation capable of communicating with God on behalf of all creation. Again, we see what they see, but we see more.
So far, we’ve seen that the world is full of order and bears the marks of a design. It is a meaningful, intentional world. And we’ve seen that this meaningfulness points to a source of that meaning, to an Author of that meaning, a Creator. But, what else can we determine through our thought exercises? Just two quick points. We see:
A world in which God’s providence is at play — God doesn’t just create and let the thing go, but he is involved
A world that is gift — we see that everything is gift (yet so often we act like entitled brats)
A world that is inherently relational — a reflection of the communion of divine persons that is the Trinity
Surely we could go on. But we can stop there. The bottom line is this: having a sacramental vision of reality allows us to see beyond mere things all the way to their Source. It is a new way of seeing (that’s really very old) that sees everything as a meaningful gift — intended by the Designer, the Creator — that he continuously gives. Everything ultimately points back to a mind that made it and that Mind is God — if we are willing to look, to really see.
Okay, so we have reestablished that we live in a meaningful world that reveals something about the Creator — that points to the Creator. This is the foundation on which stand the seven Sacraments of the Church. So, how do we understand the seven Sacraments? Where did they come from?
Briefly, the logic flows like this: Jesus enters into his creation. The Creator enters his creation in the person of Jesus Christ. This breaks our brains a little bit. It’s as if the painter painted himself into his design and from within, he can exercise his will fully and freely to alter or impact or change the painting. So too with Jesus. Now, from inside creation itself, the Creator can give new meaning, or deeper meaning to things.
So Jesus (who is God), establishes the seven Sacraments and entrusts them to the Church. Each Sacrament reveals a new meaning, deeper meaning behind the already meaningful things of this world. It’s like a further unveiling of the original design plans that take us to depths and heights previously unimaginable.
Take Baptism for example. We’ve already established that a lake isn’t just water in a big hole, but a kind of mirror reflecting its heavenly creator. But Baptism reveals more. The lake is more than mere water and more than a mirror, its deepest meaning is unveiled as the place of encounter — it is holy water into which one is immersed into the death and life of Christ, and is reborn as a son or daughter of God.
Or, let’s look at the Eucharist. Bread isn’t just food we eat, but it is a sign of God’s providence for us that allows to live for a bit on the face of the earth. But in the Eucharist, bread is given a new meaning. Ordinary bread becomes the Body of Christ — the living Bread of Life, the only food that gives us eternal life.
In the person of Jesus, who took flesh — the Creator who became creature — God establishes the Sacraments to make us new. The Sacraments are transformative encounters with Christ, mediated by the Church, through visible, concrete realities. God establishes the Sacraments to restore us to who we are — to help us become who we are as his children, his beloved sons and daughters who are never alone. God establishes the Sacraments to help us see him more.
Therefore, in light of Christ, the saying we’ve been playing with changes. Now it’s not, “we see what they see but we see more.” Now it’s, “we see what they see, but we see even more of the more.”
As a final note, I plan to use this song as a way of leading into and out of the talk. Enjoy!
1 What follows will become a brief, open-ended discussion with the teens. So, I’m just including the questions here. Naturally, the discussion will take on a life of its own.
On the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows — September 15
Love righteousness, you rulers of the earth, think of the Lord with uprightness, and seek him with sincerity of heart; because he is found by those who do not put him to the test, and manifests himself to those who do not distrust him. For perverse thoughts separate men from God, and when his power is tested, it convicts the foolish; because wisdom will not enter a deceitful soul, nor dwell in a body enslaved to sin. For a holy and disciplined spirit will flee from deceit, and will rise and depart from foolish thoughts, and will be ashamed at the approach of unrighteousness.
For wisdom is a kindly spirit and will not free a blasphemer from the guilt of his words; because God is witness of his inmost feelings, and a true observer of his heart, and a hearer of his tongue. Because the Spirit of the Lord has filled the world, and that which holds all things together knows what is said; therefore no one who utters unrighteous things will escape notice, and justice, when it punishes, will not pass him by. For inquiry will be made into the counsels of an ungodly man, and a report of his words will come to the Lord, to convict him of his lawless deeds; because a jealous ear hears all things, and the sound of murmurings does not go unheard. Beware then of useless murmuring, and keep your tongue from slander; because no secret word is without result, and a lying mouth destroys the soul.
Do not invite death by the error of your life, nor bring on destruction by the works of your hands; because God did not make death, and he does not delight in the death of the living. For he created all things that they might exist, and the generative forces of the world are wholesome, and there is no destructive poison in them; and the dominion of Hades is not on earth. For righteousness is immortal.
Life as the Ungodly See It
But ungodly men by their words and deeds summoned death; considering him a friend, they pined away, and they made a covenant with him, because they are fit to belong to his party.
For they reasoned unsoundly, saying to themselves, “Short and sorrowful is our life, and there is no remedy when a man comes to his end, and no one has been known to return from Hades. Because we were born by mere chance, and hereafter we shall be as though we had never been; because the breath in our nostrils is smoke, and reason is a spark kindled by the beating of our hearts. When it is extinguished, the body will turn to ashes, and the spirit will dissolve like empty air. Our name will be forgotten in time, and no one will remember our works; our life will pass away like the traces of a cloud, and be scattered like mist that is chased by the rays of the sun and overcome by its heat. For our allotted time is the passing of a shadow, and there is no return from our death, because it is sealed up and no one turns back.
“Come, therefore, let us enjoy the good things that exist, and make use of the creation to the full as in youth. Let us take our fill of costly wine and perfumes, and let no flower of spring pass by us. Let us crown ourselves with rosebuds before they wither. Let none of us fail to share in our revelry, everywhere let us leave signs of enjoyment, because this is our portion, and this our lot. Let us oppress the righteous poor man; let us not spare the widow nor regard the gray hairs of the aged. But let our might be our law of right, for what is weak proves itself to be useless.
“Let us lie in wait for the righteous man, because he is inconvenient to us and opposes our actions; he reproaches us for sins against the law, and accuses us of sins against our training. He professes to have knowledge of God, and calls himself a child of the Lord. He became to us a reproof of our thoughts; the very sight of him is a burden to us, because his manner of life is unlike that of others, and his ways are strange. We are considered by him as something base, and he avoids our ways as unclean; he calls the last end of the righteous happy, and boasts that God is his father. Let us see if his words are true, and let us test what will happen at the end of his life; for if the righteous man is God’s son, he will help him, and will deliver him from the hand of his adversaries. Let us test him with insult and torture, that we may find out how gentle he is, and make trial of his forbearance. Let us condemn him to a shameful death, for, according to what he says, he will be protected.”
Error of the Wicked
Thus they reasoned, but they were led astray, for their wickedness blinded them, and they did not know the secret purposes of God, nor hope for the wages of holiness, nor discern the prize for blameless souls; for God created man for incorruption, and made him in the image of his own eternity, but through the devil’s envy death entered the world, and those who belong to his party experience it.
The Destiny of the Righteous
But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and no torment will ever touch them. In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died, and their departure was thought to be an affliction, and their going from us to be their destruction; but they are at peace. For though in the sight of men they were punished, their hope is full of immortality. Having been disciplined a little, they will receive great good, because God tested them and found them worthy of himself; like gold in the furnace he tried them, and like a sacrificial burnt offering he accepted them. In the time of their visitation they will shine forth, and will run like sparks through the stubble. They will govern nations and rule over peoples, and the Lord will reign over them for ever. Those who trust in him will understand truth, and the faithful will abide with him in love, because grace and mercy are upon his elect, and he watches over his holy ones.
The Destiny of the Ungodly
But the ungodly will be punished as their reasoning deserves, who disregarded the righteous man and rebelled against the Lord; for whoever despises wisdom and instruction is miserable. Their hope is vain, their labors are unprofitable, and their works are useless. Their wives are foolish, and their children evil; their offspring are accursed.